aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
