I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
