Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
