well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
