How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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