I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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