Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
