took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
