Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize