Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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