believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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