You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize