he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
