having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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