he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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