I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
