Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
