Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
