it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
