he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
