break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Green mimosas i think yes
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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