i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
His nipple licking is glorious
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