too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
