Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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