and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
