what day is it and did you see me today?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she peed on how many people?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
