woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
