I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
