Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
