dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
