my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
