Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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