Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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