Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
