don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize