Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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