I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i think my cat just said my name.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
