And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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