Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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