i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
