I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
