People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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