I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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