im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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