If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
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