btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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