i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
