I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
