I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize