She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize