The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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