Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
