You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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