the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my being single is dangerous.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
