R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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