Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize