Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
