She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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