are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
