The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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