she looked like the bat from fern gully.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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