You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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