So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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