if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
