life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
