we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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