I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
