ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
