The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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