Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
