there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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