it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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